UPDATE September 2012 — Blazing Embers is NOW Smouldering Embers and will shortly be published by Turquoise Morning Press.
Part Five. Sex and the Over Sixties — Embers Blazing!
I have gained more memory since writing this and find much has been missed out but it more or less follows this pattern.
I put on my school teacher voice: “It isn’t funny, Robert. Not all women get an orgasm with sex. When we were young we were totally ignorant about sex. Our sex education got no further than a single-celled amoeba that divides itself. That’s how we went into marriage. Totally ignorant.”
“So how long did it take? An hour? Two? A week? Months?” A grin followed while the audience laughed.
I can’t recall exact words and order of them. But I tried to get over the problems of sexually ignorant people coming together in marriage and living busy lives and lacking technique. Problems of when children arrive, including physical ones. It was getting rather personal. (Reader beware! With a good interviewer, it is so easy to get swept along paths you did not intend to take!)
A woman in front interrupted, talking about ignorance and being protected from boys by her father, and the thread was lost.
But Kilroy came back and asked if I agreed that sex improves as we get older.
“Yes, I do.”
The man next to me explained things very nicely. He spoke about what sex is like (from a male point of view) from when men are young and want to get to their destination quickly, because it is all about what is in their trousers. (Laughter), to later years when comes the desire to do things more slowly so there is more time for romance. And having years of experience and plenty of time for preliminaries, with no anxieties about performance, sex is more enjoyable.
There were plenty of interruptions (the woman in front again) and, of course, far more was said during this period and quite likely in different words — it is a long time ago to remember exactly— but that was the gist of it.
Kilroy moved on to plastic surgery. A big issue. The heavily made-up lady who had shared our car to the studio, proudly announced that her husband had bought her a tummy-tuck for her birthday. I wondered what she looked like minus make-up and clothes. Probably quite ordinary. She had plenty of meat on her, tummy-tuck or not, and no doubt a whacking big scar somewhere or other. Did she go to bed dressed up and in make-up? Or was all this expensive treatment just to look good when showing herself to the world? She had already proudly announced that she wore designer clothes and make-up. But that was her choice and there are very many like her. Even primitive peoples beautified themselves with paint and did painful things to their bodies.
Others had undergone surgery, or intended to, and spent a lot on making themselves look good according to their standards. But there were those present who looked better, and more natural, without heavy costs. Why go to great expense? It had already been established that some women there dressed to find sexual partners. A couple appeared to be advertising themselves.
The answer came, in part, from a woman who had clearly been invited because of the expense she had gone to in order to re-invent herself (her words). Clearly she had spent a lot of cash on clothes, make-up, hairdressing and surgery. She refused to give her age but I had to admire her. Even so, there was something about her that did not look real. Somehow she did not look feminine. Her body looked slim but hard. Her breasts looked more like well developed muscles you sometimes see on weight lifters. Her white dress was body hugging and her platinum hair beautifully done, but…
Unfortunately the lady was derided by a few of the people there. I rather think that some of the animosity was because she looked and spoke posh. She had obviously invested many thousands in this re-invented image. If it helped her then that is okay, but how sad that women can be made to feel old and ugly. I blame the media and celebrity hype.
There were men there who thought women should be just natural and that they did not need to dress up or go to all lengths to make themselves sexy. Some women agreed — sexiness comes from within. I said something about some women staying young inside.
I did have other things to say but soon the programme was at an end.
As we were about to leave the studio, most of the women there — young and old — gathered around and wanted to know the title of my book and where they could buy it. After all, apart from the book being quite funny in places, the problems concerning orgasms are not confined to the elderly.
The day following I met a few people in my own home town (where the story is set) who had seen the programme and they too wanted to know where to buy the book. One had gone to our local bookshop to see if it could be ordered. The book was not even in print. I was unable to find a publisher. Some were interested but said it did not fit a genre to suit their readers as the characters were too old. But since it has been enjoyed by both men and women of all ages, I would dispute this (see other posts on ‘Sex and the Over Sixties’, and ‘Blazing Embers’ and Sex, sex, sex! Over sixties too’). A male oldie said the book had changed his life. And yet my grandchildren enjoyed it too. It partly tells of life years ago as well as problems faced in the present. So I printed it under Magpies Nest Publishing with the pen name of Angela Ashley. It is now available in the USA as Blazing Embers by Gladys Hobson. (see below) Soon it will also be available as an e-book by Mythica Publishing.
If only it had been available then and there!
I sent the manuscript to Simon Powell as he had asked. After a while, and hearing nothing from him, I rang the studio and found that he was no longer there. Shortly after that show he walked out and no one could tell me where he had gone. His secretary returned the manuscript. Ah, who knows what Simon might have done with it? A programme series? I don’t expect I’ll ever know.
Read a couple of chapters at http://www.magpiesnestpublishing.co.uk
You can buy a book there (under pen name, Angela Ashley)
Dress designer, teacher, lay minister, now full time writer.
Wrinkly Writers 